Not sure where to really start on this, so I'll just start at the end. Last night at work I officially had the worst night I have ever had. It ended up with me crying as I walked onto the elevators leaving the floor, wiping my tears away while a sympathetic visitor looked on and asked for directions to the ER. Bawling as I drove home, crying to Brett when I got home, and crying on the phone to a coworker as she reassured me I did everything right and I am not a horrible nurse. I've cried enough tears now and Marshy is consoling me by licking my tear stained hands and purring next to me. All the while Parker is in the closet curled up in the corner contemplating attacking the strings from my clothes hanging down at his level.
At 7:00 this morning I transferred one of my patients down to the ICU. After several stat labs and tests it was determined she was in metabolic acidosis, (not going to explain that - look it up if you care to) among other problems. All night I had been in and out of this patient's room watching her closely. Watching her vitals, her urine output, her NG output, her pain, her dressing, her pulses, breathing - everything. I had a hard time right after surgery keeping her oxygen levels up. We had her on a nonrebreather mask and eventually put her just on normal oxygen. Later in the morning her oxygen dropped again but I was thinking it was because she just wouldn't take deep breaths or cough and was really drowsy. I put her back on the mask (should have just called the physician then, but hindsight is always 20/20 right? ) I ended up waiting since her oxygen came back up after I put the mask back on and called respiratory later. Long story short, ended up calling the physician and got orders for stat labs and such and transferring her to ICU,and there we are at the end, or rather beginning...since I started there....
She is still alive and I think she will be okay - and I no longer feel like a 100% horrible nurse, just 95% now. Maybe when I go to sleep and then wake up that number will be lower.
What a week at work it has been for me. Nothing says "I am a nurse" like getting your shoes, socks, and pants peed on (that happened Tuesday night) and feeling like you failed a patient.
So after not blogging for over a month, I write about a really happy topic! If nothing else, know that I feel a tiny little bit better after writing this all out. I guess I won't quit my job after this past night - it will only make me a better, stronger nurse. And now I can't think of anything coherent to say and I am tired and I am going to go to sleep. If you read this and you know nothing about medical terms, my apologies :)
Oh, Emily. You are without a doubt, one of the best nurses I know. I am sure that you did everything that you could right in the moment, and like you said- hindsight is always 20/20. I know that the patients you have love you (like that old guy that gave you his phone number!), your husband loves you (who else asks first if YOU'RE okay when you hit a tree with your car?), and I know that I love you (because, come on, what are sisters for??).
ReplyDeleteThere are so many good days that can completely overshadow the bad days, so don't worry about them too much. :)
And, oh yeah...Your cats probably love you too. At least, Marshy does.
Can't wait to see you next month!!!!!!
Those things happen and aren't your fault. We see worse in the ICU but I'm sure it was scarry and shook you up a bit. Don't be afraid of asking other people for their opinion. They usually think of something you have overlooked or haven't tried. Keep you chin up and just learn from it :) You are a great nurse!
ReplyDelete